The Other Sister (spin0za1) wrote in cty_therapy,
The Other Sister

Just a little late-night gripe

I have so much trouble with time. I think that maybe y'all will understand what I mean...

The whole thing about being "gifted" is based in our being able to do "adult things" as children... scoring well on an adult test at the age of 13, being assessed by city-wide standardized tests of having a reading comprehension level of a "professional journalist" (that was the level past "graduate student") at the age of 8, etc.

When you get older, when you become an adult, you can't help but feel like you've run out of time already. I just turned 25 a week ago. There's no longer anything to compare to. It's difficult not to feel that anything I do from here on in is by necessity unremarkable, that anything special I was going to do, I have to have done already by now. That it's too late to be special anymore.

25 and I feel like my life is over and wasted. Despite all of the plans I have, the path laid out very clearly ahead of me. Here on out, I'm normal, and as far as I've been taught, "normal" is worse than dead.

There's got to be a better way, guys. There's got to be a better way to be told that your smart than to be told "You can do what grownups can/can't do" because once you're a grownup yourself, where does that leave you?

CTY Hamilton, sessions 1&2
'95 '96 '97 '98
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